About Nanci - Living Tibet - Dance History - Five Haiku - Five Poems from Sacred Sorrow - Account from Ground Zero

Welcome to my site!

When I work with groups and individuals, whether leading meditation, Buddhism classes, women's retreats or private and group Mindful Life Guidance, I strive for a balance between traditional story-bringing and a philosophic detachment. We seek an internal honoring of the combined personal, archetypal and collective heritages taking each participant to the current moment, and delve by layers into deeper quiet as two key methods toward loosening the stronghold of undesired ingrained tendencies. Similarly, we honor each person's strengths, aspirations and inspirations.

My own life has taught me that true spiritual development is impossible without addressing every aspect of the psyche. In order to come into the beauty of wholeness, we must at times face painful aspects of darkness, a natural fertilizer for transformation. No one escapes suffering, and whether or not our motivation also includes helping others find happiness, those of us who enter a spiritual path often do so out of a need or longing to find peace and joyousness amongst the trials of earthly life.

 

To schedule a workshop, reading, or for general questions, contact: nancirr@rochester.rr.com


Wordless Teachings: Ani Tashi Sangmo

Shop doors pulled shut. I first saw
her on a stoop -- ah, this is India --
at the foot of McLeod Ganj. Wrapped
in claret nun's robes, bronzed bare
arm thin but sinewy strong, eighty
years or more. Still in my tourist
mode, I snapped her picture. Smiling
Tibetans; she gazed frankly at me.

In the Nyingma temple, praying to heal
obstructions in others, she easily sat
among the men, rotating a sizeable
drum suspended from the gnarled tips
of small fingers. Inebriated by repeated
melodious chant, she blew with shaky
fervor on a sacred trumpet of donated
human thigh bone, Days later I saw her
again, tan plastic sandals on dry feet.

She was an apparition, enigma. She could
be seen everywhere now, walking mostly,
slowly, steadily, always on inner pilgrimage,
pressing an elegant tree-limb, her walking
stick, into red-orange earth. Strapped to her
back, a maroon pack laden, I imagined, with
implements of prayer -- plus always during
monsoon she carried a black umbrella snapped tight, tied across her pack hovering like a crane bobbing and daring the rains to come. Willful stooped, toothless, unconscious of her compelling appeal. My leaden walking feet turned clumsily under when she with floating sweetness smiled upon passersby; past sorrows gone, lids half up.


Ven. Tashi Sangmo, an independent nun, stands near her mud-floored home above Nyingma temple. Excerpt from Living Tibet:The Dalai Lama in Dharamsala. Text by Nanci Rose; Photographs by Bill Warren. Snow Lion, 1997.

Hansel-and-Gretel style she invited me
into her tiny hut. A door four short feet
flimsy, hinged with coat-hanger wire
hung squalid on the haphazard structure,
homemade hidden on a cliffside. A clay
stove, made when the kerosene ran out,
sat on a depression in the earth, to cook
or create gentle nights of smoky solitude.

Wooden planks pocked with holes met the tin
roofline. Patches of black garbage-bag squares,
torn, ineffectively covered drafts; rains made traces
below in uneven dirt-floor rivulets. A platform
held a thin pad, her bed the meditation cushion,
a place I would sit many times. Cups, a misshapen
spoon and handleless knife sat on a warped board.
8,000 feet into the Himalayas, so alone she thrived.

Time nonexistent, I her voluntary captive.
The altar, distinctive, dominating, dusty,
held a framed print of Padmasambhava and
a recent photo of the Dalai Lama, personal
teachers and offering bowls ever secretly
refilled. Above, somehow crookedly held
to the decaying wall, an incongruous plastic
flag, national Tibetan, poster-sized, bright
red, yellow, blue, banned in Tibet, smiled
with Ani-la's own defiance. Sublime subtle
consciousness pervaded her clear being each
moment: whole genderless peace. Feminine.

She had no needs and she had, expected, nothing.
Where I first looked for signs of senility, even
madness, we later sat on the bed gazing at that
altar, cross-legged like Buddhas holding cups
of forgotten tea tilted precariously, in union. Words
could not pass. She overlooked my ego and pointed
it out -- and never in words agreed to be my teacher.

Insisting I take the last bite of her last banana, Ani-la
was yet not always generous with me. But often this
Tibetan leisurely prepared and offered matter-of-factly
steaming sweet Indian tea. Ani Tashi Sangmo brought
to near boil water enveloped by a handful of precious
powdered milk. And as in sacred ritual the nun stirred,
added sugar -- a handful -- then tossed loose black tea
with a sense of determined witchery into her battered
saucepan. Now stirring up rather than around, with most
miraculous effect, like taffy being pulled, the thick brown
lost its liquidity and poised itself like glass in the air as she
raised ladleful, again ladleful three or more feet above
that tiny pan, the mesmerizing stream swooshing mantra.

For months I brought little offerings and for
days I stayed away. Sometimes when I arrived
panting from the hard hike against whipping
downpours or fierce heatrays, my nun just gazed
head tiled as though we'd never met -- images
of friendship shattered. I brought her a blanket
on that last day; she hugged it with a vulnerable
child's passion (So! She needed it). And she took me

into silence a final time, a long time, where
calm and sadness and poignant melancholy
hovered in her hut as we soared above. When
at last Ani-la reached and pressed both my
hands into her ancient grasp, earth clasp, her
gaze embraced me -- "we will not meet again" --
and I sobbed unreservedly. Until she, mother
benevolent, Ani Tashi Sangmo patted my hands
with hers and motioned in modest pantomime
-- Look! I am not crying...Go catch your plane --


Copyright by Nanci Rose.
Written after leaving Dharamsala in 1990.
We did meet again in Dharamsala in 1996.